Monday, September 6, 2010

A heap of Star Wars jokes.

 I found a whole heap of star wars jokes for all you Star Wars fans.

Top Ten Reasons Not To Join The Empire

10. Stormtroopers are the Empire's first line of defense.

9. All ships and installations are built around a "main reactor."

8. Exhaust ports are big enough for proton torpedoes and always lead to the "main reactor".

7. TIE Fighters have no shields.

6. The Emperor's best troops were defeated by rock and stick wielding teddy bears.

5. Officers over the rank of Lieutenant have a life expectancy of two weeks.

4. Everything proceeds as the Emperor has foreseen.

3. Stormtroopers are picked for their intelligence and common sense.

2. The Emperor allows the alliance to know the location of the shield generator.

1. Bounty Hunters, We don't need their scum!
Things You'll Never Hear Yoda Say

What expect you from someone 900 years old? English perfect???

Size matters not...hey, what are you laughing at?

Lift THAT ship?! You must be out of your mind

I cannot teach him. IQ of 30 has he. Hangs upside down in ice caves.

Duct Tape...the Force it is like. Both a light side and a dark side it has. Binds the universe together it does!

Remember all that stuff Obi-Wan taught you? Forget it.

No...there is another. Let's hope as stupid, she is not.

I cannot teach him. Land an X-wing, he cannot even.

So how did you like the funhouse in the cave, Luke?

Quite frankly, Mr. Skywalker, if Obi-Wan wasn't dead, I'd have him expelled.

Last week all Star Wars character's decided to debate on why the chicken actually crossed the road. Below are their opinions (the imperial officer only came because the emperor needed  an escort)
The debate

YODA: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great.

VADER: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.

LUKE: I want to follow the ways of the chicken and cross the road like my father.

LEIA: I don't know... but I have a bad feeling about this.

C-3PO: I am fluent in over six million ways of crossing the road.
R2-D2: beep beep be bop.

CHEWIE: Gwrrroooooaaaarrrrrrlllllll!

BEN: Cross the road, chicken. Let go, chicken. Chicken - trust me.

WEDGE: My scope shows the other side but it looks really far, are you sure you can cross it?

TARKIN: The regional governors now have direct control over their chickens. Fear will keep those chickens in line... fear of getting hit by a car!

UNCLE OWEN: I told you to forget it. You're only concern is to cross that road.

AUNT BERU: He can't stay here forever. Most of his friends have already crossed. It means so much to him.

LANDO: Why you slimy, no good, double-crossing chicken!! You got a lot of guts crossing that road, after what you pulled!

 HAN: The chicken was thinking with its stomach.

IMPERIAL OFFICER:  The chicken obviously saw a rebel base on the other side.

OBI WAN: I'll give that chicken 2,000 now, plus 15 when it reaches the other side.

LANDO: The chicken will cross the road! We've got to give him more time!

LUKE: The chicken crossed the road? That's not true!!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!

EMPEROR: Young fool. Only now, after getting hit by a car do you understand.

Funny joke concerning Luke and Darth Vader.
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats... lightsabers drawn and sparks flying. Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, "I know what you're getting for Christmas, Luke," he said, "Ohhh, yes! I know!" Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform just out of Vader's reach, "How do you know!?" Luke yelled at him, "How do you know what I'm getting for Christmas!?" Darth Vader shot Luke an icy glare, "The force is with me... I felt your presents."

 Run Luke! Luke!!
May the force be with you,


Gae said...

Dear Saxon,
Lots of fun stuff here
I know you enjoyed doing it.
Lots of Lve
I like the new header too

Alyson-Louise Belle said...

That's hilarious! Can I put that on my blog? (Don't worry, I'll tell people I got it from here.) ;)


Vellvin said...

Sure Aly!

Saerwen said...

HAHAHAHAHAH!! *wipes eyes* Those were so funny! :)

Autumn Elizabeth said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Me and my brother are rolling on the floor!! Those are sooo funny!! :D Do you mind if I repost this on my blog? I'll link back to here.


Saxon said...

Yeah, sure you can.